it's all panic. my heart racing... can't breathe, and then tears start because something has to escape. my skin becomes so hot.. red heat creeping.. and I feel so scared, so full of fear.. like I can't move from the spot because my mind couldn't even contemplate how to do that. the past haunts me... ghosts that re enter my mind after years of sleeping. if only memories could really be buried, if only it wasn't just an empty metaphor. How I'd love to place some memories, the emotions that go with them, into a lead lined box.. dispose of them in ways I learnt about in physics. If I could carve them out of my brain, take those tiny masses of grey matter and let them degrade... it's kind of masochistic that the very things I want to forget are the things that my mind goes over again and again, just strengthening the memory. Like a method of learning for examination.